JAHTICE AHDAIR DROPS A POWERFUL TRIBUTE TO HIS MOTHER 🌹🙏🏾 🌺

BL Shirelle chops it up with Jahtice Ahdair. Recently released from SCI Muncy, Jahtice penned a heartbreaking song about losing his mother in prison. Distributed by FREER Music.

Jahtice’s first single, “Momma Love”

BL: So what’s going on with you?

Jahtice Ahdair: Man, you know, one thing at a time. Fresh out, for sure — pushing forward. Trying to get this music off the ground, you know what I mean?

BL: For sure, for sure. You are really motivated and you inspire me. Thank you, I appreciate that. I feel your hunger, and that makes me excited. It’s good to talk to somebody that’s real passionate about what they want to do. 

Jahtice Ahdair: Appreciate you, because you not trash either. Your lyrics are really nice, and the imagery matches what you’re saying. I like that about you. When you speak, I can feel it, and that’s the kind of music I like.

BL: For sure. So, we got this song we’re putting out under FREER Music distro — Momma Love. I love this record. Everybody I played it for loves it. Can you tell us a little bit about the motivation behind the record, who your mom was as a person, what your relationship was like, and what made you go that deep with your lyrics?

Jahtice Ahdair: Okay. So, from being incarcerated about six and a half years, my mom was always there. Her death was unexpected, but before I got arrested we were really close. She was my best friend — my mom, my father. She had ten kids, but she had a big heart and loved each and every one of us like we were the only child.

It hit different. The pain hit different. We were raised in poverty, and I can’t even imagine how she pulled it off. I don’t know, but she did it. She was strong. When everything came to the surface after her passing, it was on my heart. I had to get it off my chest. That’s what made me write it. I want her to forever know that she’s loved, no matter if she’s here or wherever she’s at. That’s my mom, she meant the world to me.

Her name was Nieesha Taylor.

Jahtice Ahdair & his mom Nieesha.

Nieesha Taylor’s grave site.

BL: Rest in peace, Ms. Taylor. I feel like everybody goes through that phase where you look at your parents as just your parents, not as humans. But then you get older and realize — wait, my mom was a whole person before I was even here. Did you ever have that realization with her?

Jahtice Ahdair: Yeah. My mom had her first child at 15. She was still a kid raising kids. I can’t imagine how she pulled it off, but she did it because she loved us. She was a go-getter, ambitious, driven, had a heart of gold. She was my twin. Everything about me is her.

BL: So, when you wrote the record — obviously, it was part of your grieving process. I never lost a parent while incarcerated, but I saw friends go through it, and it was gut-wrenching. Losing a parent in prison — you can’t really express what that’s like. How would you explain it?

Jahtice Ahdair: That pain is something I wish on nobody. Life is already fragile — you’re born to die — but losing a parent changes everything. When I lost my mom, I felt like I lost everything. I had two options: sink or swim. Instead of going negative, I used it as motivation. That’s why the song came out the way it did. I put the pain into creating.

It’s worse than being shot or stabbed. It’s a pain you can’t explain. I’ll never be done grieving, but you take it a day at a time.

BL: That’s powerful. You said you were born in York [Pennsylvania] but raised in New York. You talked about the difference between small-town life keeping you in a box and New York opening you up. Can you expand on that?

Jahtice Ahdair: Growing up in New York City, it’s diverse. A lot of people like me. But when you come to Pennsylvania, it’s more closed off, like people were raised in a bubble. It was a culture shock. My parents are from Jamaica, Queens — life there is fast, lit, a whole different energy.

Out here it was a struggle to adjust. Especially as a trans male, New York has more acceptance. Pennsylvania doesn’t, really. You gotta be mentally strong to not let anger or violence take over.

BL: Did you experience transphobia while incarcerated?

Jahtice Ahdair: Definitely. Staff members jealous of you, other inmates provoking you, questioning you. It’s a constant battle. Only someone in my shoes can fully understand. But if you’re content with who you are, you can overcome it. Still, it’s not easy.

BL: Do they give you a roommate as a trans man in prison?

Jahtice Ahdair: They do, but it’s based on what they call a PRAP score — your history, charges, past behavior. Really, it’s a cover to control who you can and can’t be housed with because you’re trans. They even consider weight differences, like if one person could overpower the other. Sometimes that means you end up housed alone. It’s discrimination, honestly.

BL: Yeah, I remember when I first got there at 18 or 19, they gave me so much trouble just for having a natural beard. I can only imagine how they treat y’all. They thought I was gonna be trouble, when really I just wanted to do music. I’d walk around with my guitar like a hippie. Eventually, once they realized I was cool, they let up, but it was rough at first.

Jahtice Ahdair: Exactly. They judge you based on how you look. To them, we go against the norm. But from our perspective, they’re the ones going against the norm, because we’ve always just been who we are.

Jahtice Ahdair while incarcerated at SCI Muncy.

BL: Anyway, I’m dropping a project called Steel Roots with MADUSA. The video I dropped that you really like [“Promise You This”] is about medical indifference in prison healthcare. Have you had experiences with that—seeing people sick, seeing how they treat lifers, how hard it is to get proper medical care?

Jahtice Ahdair: Medical malpractice is definitely a thing. And being trans makes it worse. I didn’t even realize how much it is until one of my friends came back inside and told me my medication was being altered without consent. By law, they’re supposed to get your signature to change dosage but they don’t.

For example, I was on 100 milligrams of testosterone. Out of nowhere, they altered my medication. I started retaining fluid in both legs, swelling in my feet, and they blamed it on testosterone. But I’d been on it for months with no side effects. That’s not how it works. It was them playing with my medication.

I even brought documentation home because my family’s looking into getting a lawyer. They called me a “demon,” played mind games, and tried to gaslight me into thinking I was crazy. In prison, you’re basically a test dummy. To them it’s a game; to us, it’s our lives.

BL: Did you start your hormone treatments inside or before you got there?

Jahtice Ahdair: I started inside. I’ve been like this my whole life, but once I had that conversation with medical, I decided: this is what I need to do to be comfortable in my own skin. It wasn’t because of influence. It was because I knew who I was. And I don’t regret it — it made me more comfortable. But it doesn’t mean they get to play with my health.

BL: Have you seen lifers go through medical neglect?

Jahtice Ahdair: Definitely. If you have an emergency, they tell you to put in a sick call. You won’t get seen for three days. I’ve watched people die waiting. Two women had heart attacks while I was there — by the time help came, it was too late. They wheeled them out on gurneys. That’s normal in there.

BL: That’s crazy. So now that you’re free, what are you looking forward to most as an artist? What impact do you want your music to leave?

Jahtice Ahdair: Authenticity. I want my music to be real. Too many people make songs just because the beat’s hot. I’m a Tupac and Biggie fan — I like music that means something. I want people to relate to my life experiences through my art, not just nod their heads.

BL: Who’s in your top five MCs of all time, and who’s your dream collab?

Jahtice Ahdair: Jay-Z, Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Lil Wayne, and Eminem. If Pac was still alive, he’d be my only answer. I like those artists because of their versatility and authenticity.

BL: So who’s your dream collab?

Jahtice Ahdair: Pac, if he was alive. Now? Honestly, nobody hits the same. The industry’s different — it’s even AI rapping now. So since Pac is gone, I'm gonna say YOU. You’re my dream collab! I really fucks wit’ ya!

BL: Right, right. Well, hopefully we can make something happen! I guess that’s all my questions. I just want everyone to go check out Momma Love. Thank you, Jahtice, for talking with us today. You’re prolific, and I’m betting on you.

Jahtice Ahdair: Appreciate that. I’m happy you support me, and I appreciate the opportunity.